Practicing Being Present with My Butterfly

On October 3rd, I pulled into my tiny Charleston driveway, expecting nothing at all, but there waiting for me at my front door was a little Monarch butterfly sunning herself on the tabby pavement. I shuffled the dogs in the door, kneeled down, and stuck my finger out, nudging her little belly. She climbed right on.  I think noticing is so important! And so I had a new friend. I named her Miss B.

Some of y’all may recall my quarantine butterfly, Lady B. Like this little lady, she had an issue flying and spent four glorious days with me until a gust of wind blew her out of my garden and into the wild blue yonder. So I have some experience caring for disabled butterflies. 

For the past two weeks, I’ve been learning more and more about Monarchs. While Lady B feasted on watermelon and cantaloupe slices, I read that Monarchs really love honey water. I asked my neighbors, The Jacksons, who keep bees if I could get a fresh supply of their local honey. Every morning, I mix one teaspoon of honey to six parts water and pour it over a little slice of sponge for her to breakfast on.  It is my morning meditation, just watching her twirl her wee proboscis like an elephant through the honey water or poking it like whack a mole through the porous sponge. After one week, she started demanding hand-feeding! She now only feeds if I hold her on one finger and dip another in the water for her to enjoy in dewdrop form. I know. Total helicopter dad.

What does this have to do with life coaching? Being present. I could have mountains on my mind -- and I do! Don’t we all? -- but when I hold Miss B on my finger and gaze at her glittery, iridescent wings and chic polka dot body, what worries could I possibly have in the world? As my friend Mary pondered, “What would the world be like if every world leader had to feed a butterfly every morning?” YES.

With all the distractions we have in the world, it’s more difficult than ever to simply be present. I see people on their phones while walking their dogs in a beautiful park, while eating incredible food with or without people they chose to dine with (lovers, friends, relatives - who knows! But somehow they take a backseat despite having a front row one), and while hiking on spectacular trails. Sure they could be checking in on mom, but I bet they are checking emails and social media instead of focusing on what’s right in front of their faces. 

If you don’t have a pet butterfly to feed every morning, here are some other tips for being present:

First and foremost- put away that f*^#ing phone! It’s the biggest distraction humans have ever had. Enough already! 

Dream

When we aren’t consumed by the world around us, it gives us time to get swept away into our own dreamworlds. When was the last time you just laid on the couch and stared out the window, letting your mind take you on a joyous journey? These are the times I come up with some of my best ideas. Or, if you dream at night, wake up and write it all down! It might lead you down a path you wouldn’t have otherwise discovered. 

Breathe

When I hop on with most of my clients, the first thing we do is take a deep breath together. It takes us back into our bodies and brings us into the here and now. Leave a little note by your computer, bed or coffee pot that just says, ‘Breathe’. We all need multiple deep breaths each day. It can be as simple as “In...Out.” You can breathe in for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. Or, I also love breathing in what I need and breathing out what I don’t: “In: Serenity // Out: Stress” -- “In: Peace // Out: Problems” // -- In: Grace / Out// Guilt”// “-- In: Hope // Out: Hopelessness” ... choose your in and out mantra. It can change breath to breath. It’s empowering. 

Savor

How many times are we too distracted by the news, our phones or screaming kids to not truly savor our food? My mother’s least favorite saying is, ‘Grabbing a quick bite,’ and I agree. Eating shouldn’t always be grabbing and quick, being present for meals can bring joy to us three times a day. Savor every bite. If you are with a partner, friend, or child, make the most of the moment and discuss your “roses and thorns” of the day -- the best and worst of it. It helps zero in on the moments to be grateful for and release the moments that aren’t so great. It also primes your brain to recognize what’s serving you and what’s not -- which is  exactly what we’re talking about. Awareness. 

Feel your body

Every morning the first thing my dogs do is stretch. So why don’t we? We need to be in touch with our bodies, stretch our muscles and know when things don’t feel right. A little body scan over morning coffee can keep us present and healthy. I start from my head and move downward, focusing on each bit of my body and encouraging relaxation. I unclench my jaw. I relax each muscle on the way down. I notice tension and try to release it or make note that something isn’t quite right. Doing a body scan can take only a few moments but it can help you zero in on stress and tension -- and how to release it so it doesn’t take hold of you or your day. 

Meditate

There is no better way to be present than simply closing our eyes, breathing and letting go of what you don’t need and taking in what you do. Focus on the breath or a mantra (I am enough/I am love), and sink into some quiet time. I always say mediation can simply be being present during a walk, a drive (no music!) or petting your animals. No gong required. 

As for Miss B, she is still with me two weeks later. She is slowing down, seeming restless and I leave her outside all day to sit in the sun. I still feed her every morning if she will take it, or simply leave the sponge out for her to climb onto for a snack. Who knows how long she will be with me but for now, I am relishing the little moments together, smiling as she taps around on my hand, or grooms herself on my garden table. We can read many spiritual meanings for butterflies coming into our lives, (you can be trusted with delicate things! Change is coming! Rebirth! Metamorphosis! Transformation!), but I am not spending my time over Googling these possibilities. Instead, I’ll simply enjoy the time we have together, being present, just me and Miss B. Breathe in: her beauty and my own // Breathe out: anything else