Seeking Clarity Through Vulnerability

I was fired from my job as an editor years ago. It stung. I felt worthless, humiliated, and angry. This was long before I knew how to sit with my emotions and see what was coming up. But I’m thankful for losing that job because the end of that career led me to my coaching journey. I remind clients of this often, it all happens for a reason!

I never knew exactly why I was fired. I thought I was close to my boss and the inner circle of higher-ups. Not knowing the reason has haunted me for years. It has come up in numerous coaching sessions for myself, in groups, and even with clients when processing their careers.

Discussing it with my partner one night I wondered aloud what it would look like to reach back out to my old boss (or HR if he wasn’t willing to talk) and ask. He encouraged me. So last week I emailed a colleague who is still working there and asked him to connect me with HR. My friend responded immediately cc’ing HR. They said my name was held in very high regard in the office (HR spin I’m sure!) and that my former boss would be happy to speak.

This week we spoke. I wasn’t nervous. I felt empowered. There wasn’t anything he could do to hurt me. I was ready for the hard truth. I hadn’t spoken to him since that fateful day in 2018. We fell back into a friendly banter. We were very close for seven years.

Then he brought up the big icky topic and said the reason I was fired was that the division of the company I worked for just wasn’t doing as well as they had hoped but that was no fault of mine and how he handled letting me go was poorly executed. He apologized.

Wow. It happened. I did it.

He continued to say that reaching out was very brave and he was impressed. He was also thankful because he didn’t like how it ended either and he does hold me in high regard and reflects on all the success we had together. (Not HR spin!) His vulnerability brought out mine more. I shared how I felt running the site. Where I could have improved and asked for help. It felt good. I also shared how I wished I had a life coach as an editor! To work on the saboteurs, the imposter syndrome, and to find a balance between work and personal life.

We agreed to keep in touch and did a quick personal download. And that was it.

I got off the phone and just cried. Releasing all of that anger, sadness, confusion, and questioning. It’s all gone. It feels so good. Why did I wait seven years?

This makes me think, who else do I need closure with or questions answered?

Who do you need to find clarity with? An old lover? A former boss? An old friend? If that wonder still bubbles up months or years later - How would it feel to simply ask? We have to be ready for the brutal truth, but if you have support from friends, family, and/or your coach you can lean into that vulnerability, and know that someone has your back. You can feel safe.

How would it feel to release and move on? Let me know!